A question came to me from a woman in the twin flame community who wanted to know how to handle her twin ghosting her after an intense texting “war.” One of the things that may be surprising to the twin flame community—and was very surprising to me personally, particularly given that the awakening feminine has learned so much over the past several years about being in her own power and speaking her truth—is that there is still a great deal of co-dependency and power struggle going on between twin flames and sacred partners. This includes both the awakening feminine and masculine.
In other words, transmuting the old relationship template is truly not complete yet, and will not be complete in the collective for a bit more time. The ingrained old model of co-dependent relationship will disguise itself in a myriad of ways and keep rearing it’s “ugly head” until the patterns of imperfection are completely released. Only then will the “love relationship” be successfully transmuted into higher vibrations patterns of perfection.
Awakening humans, particularly feminine, often believe that they are no longer dependent upon their awakening counterpart because they feel a certain detachment from them. Many of the awakening feminine are “doing their own thing” and bonding more than ever with their awakening feminine soul mate sisters and brothers, but the patterns of co-dependency still exist in so many ways that are not really detectable.
These patterns are spotlighted when we have heavily emotional reactions to being “ghosted” or other situations like it. Or when we start looking for soul mate replacements for our awakening counterparts. Or when we bury ourselves heavily into our creative expression, busying ourselves with all kinds of things we love to do. Not that there is anything wrong with living a full life of expressing in the moment of now. In fact, the key to everything IS staying in the moment of NOW.
In many cases, however, we are running from our connection because it is easier to manage. It makes it somewhat easier to deal with when we are being “ghosted.” And when we do the “ghosting,” it is often because it’s easier to be separated than to deal with the other person when things are very uncomfortable because of temporary vibrational discord. Or, we might not be able to handle the power struggles that play out in the mirror with this person.
Isn’t it easier sometimes to just walk away then to battle with the other person? Power struggles are very common with those catalytic connections we call twins when contact is prevalent. For the self is trying to interact with itself in the mirror and it can be exhausting. So, it is much easier to “walk away” sometimes than to deal with the constant power struggles.
Being in separation, in essence, does seems to be one of Source’s or Higher Self’s solution to teaching us about becoming complete and whole in our own authentic being. It is also a bit of a paradox that separation is often our ego’s way of perpetuating the old relationship models of co-dependency. So, while in separation that we often learn to stand in our own strength and power, we can also fool ourselves into thinking we are no longer co-dependent. Is it any wonder that Source uses the ebb and flow, and push and pull of the twin flame connection to “dance” between the two until a good balance can be struck?
Therefore, be aware that one of the greatest teaching instruments our awakening counterparts will unconsciously use—or we may use in turn—is the “ghosting” or periodic separations. This temporary separation forces us to SEE that what co-dependencies exist with each other and help us course correct. Periodic separation can be as little as a few hours or several days, or as much as a few months or years. When those separations occur, there is NO fooling ourselves as the emotions come up. And, if there is any co-dependency, we will spend time clearing layers of counter-productive emotions. Fear of abandonment. Anger at perceived abandonment. Sadness at lack of communication. Terror of being alone. Whatever patterns of imperfection exist, they will be called forth once again for healing. But these feelings are the strongest indications that we have fallen back into (or never really fully released) a pattern of co-dependency.
The key to moving through this process as quickly as possible is consciousness. Being awake and aware and vigilant is the answer as provided to us by Source. We must become aware of the many different ways we give away our power on a continuing basis in our connections. And we must be aware of the many different ways we try to overpower the other in our connection. Co-dependency creates a power struggle. And when we think about how we are ONE SOUL with the other, or in a ONENESS of vibration even, doesn’t it make perfect sense that until we are in perfect equilibrium with ourselves, we would create our own inner power struggle OUT THERE with the other person?
The co-dependency we experience is our need to have the power struggle with another rather than owning how much of that power struggle is really INSIDE of us. This is what is meant by projection and dissociation. Our counterpart is just the mirror for that inner power struggle. When we become more awake and aware of this consciously, then we can create something different. In order for us to break millennium of programming into co-dependent relationships, we must consciously choose other responses.
Honestly the more we take on co-dependent (power struggle) patterning head on, the less we will need the separation periods. That is because we cannot be truly together in the way we are in REALITY as ONE BEING, until we are 100% at ONE within ourselves with no more power struggles at all. Otherwise, we will continue to project our inner struggles onto outer ones. There cannot be LOVE without, when there is NO REAL LOVE WITHIN.
So, when we take the moments (no matter how long they are) for separation, the moments are for us to look INWARD at our inner power struggles. How are we separating ourselves FROM ourselves? What inner struggles do we have? What piece of self-love is needed here? To ask ourselves these questions is the answer. For when we seek, we will find. That is what consciousness requires. Asking yourself the hard questions. And waiting for the answers to appear—either instantaneously or in a short period of time.
We WILL move through the co-dependency issues. It is assured so there is no need to fear or worry. Every little bit of awakening we have to our ego’s co-dependency is truly helpful to us. And, the solution? The solution comes right down to trusting the process. There is absolutely, 100%, without doubt, an awakening process for us all. Those of us who have chosen a love path of awakening, or one motivated by union with another person, can trust that we will bring those new conscious patterns here and anchor them on the earth for others to access in the field of consciousness.
Be ASSURED. It is done. This is just a little reminder to stay awake and aware and vigilant my sisters and brothers! Sending you all my love for the work you are doing for the collective!
And, so it is.
Written with Love
~ Debbie DuBois
That’s an interesting article! Very powerful, if we feel and embody the truth of these words. Quite frankly, I went through a somewhat similar scenario in my journey. There were a few differences though. I did express the things that bothered me about some past issues and the third party energy I felt (which were withheld from me all the while). I may have come off as rather direct, but I wasn’t going to move forward without a resolution and healing in the matter and I still stand by my decision.
However, as there’s a silver lining to every cloud, I did communicate my texts with as much love as I could. And also mentioned that my feelings towards my partner hadn’t changed due to the incident, but also that I would stop them from leaving if they saw that as the best action. And, as a pattern that I have noticed from the very beginning, they chose the flight path in the choice between fight or flight. But this time, there was a goodbye (which I hadn’t received many times in the past). I see that as growth, however slow it might be, change is happening. And I also noticed a change in myself, I wasn’t crying for days or getting upset afterward, I simply kept my head high with a belief in my knowing that when it’s meant to be lessons will come to us and the universe will conspire as it always has to put us in each other’s path.
You know the absense of crying days on end or even hours on end is the real sign of progress. But now we work at deeper levels to remove all the slight nuances of co-dependency. Sounds like you have come a LONG way!! Bravo. That is what these tests show us…Our progress. That is why we have tests at all! Sending lots of love. Keep going… (of course!)
Thank you so much. This makes so much sense. This journey isn’t for the faint hearted. I started my journey to heal codependency consciously five years ago. I thought I was wining this monster until I met my twin this year. I was about to give up on our relationship because I feel so disconnected to my twin and we’re miles away from each other. At times I felt like I was the only one doing anything. But I know I have to do my own work.
I completely understand!! The co-dependency is something I never would have suspected in myself. I really thought I’d licked it too! Actually we are probably closer than we realize but the Universe must test us…WE TEST OURSELVES!! To be sure we are truly in our own strength. We MUST be for union of any kind.
No words have I to adequately express my gratitude to you Debbie du Bouis, for this wisdom shared via, what I coming to appreciate as my twin flame
I am so very glad that my work has helped you in your journey! I myself completely know how hard this journey can be…but keep on keeping on <3 🙂
I loved this article!!? Thank you so much ?
Even tho I don’t understand yet I think how to heal all the codependency, and stuff. Sometimes also I think I don’t realize it’s there…until something little makes me feel upset!
I’m having a hard time finding my way between power struggles and speaking my truth.
I don’t even know if that’s what it is, completely. It’s hard to tell sometimes…as I don’t think either of us wants to hurt the other.
And I’ve been trying to be very careful…not to react to him in my ego. It’s a very huge thing, right now…differences of faith/ religion. Even tho at heart I think our passion is the same ?
However, coming from religion I feel I know it’s mindset…and its hard for me not to project that on him. Esp when it feels to me maybe he views me in that way. I know even part of me thinking that, could just be projection.
But I tried to only be kind and communicate in a way that understands both our sides.
Then I ended up eventually telling him more how I really felt, tho…and the hurt I felt from that religion.
Which I know could possibly make him feel rejected himself.
Lol, it’s all so very complicated. But I just don’t like to never speak the truth of how I really feel ?
It wasn’t meant to hurt him…but i want him to understand my side, and my feelings.
I guess I was following my heart, in what I told him. I hope it wasn’t wrong. I’m also willing for Him to tell me his feelings on his side of it. I just want to be able to speak my view, too…even if it is ego some.
Because how can I ever be real with him otherwise.
The funny thing is…it occurs to me that it’s possible he feels that way, about me and religion, because I still feel certain ways about religion inside my own self.
So it could be my own fault if we’re having this problem. But maybe it’s also ok to be honest with each other where we’re both at, at the moment. ❤
The process teaches us how to remove codependency. You will get all you need to do it but you have to accept and surrender to that process and remember that everything is here to teach you. We do make things incredibly complicated by trying not to rock the other person’s boat. But in doing that, we also are always walking on eggshells. I’d say the key is to go searching in your heart for what your truth is, and find out what it is about your truth YOU are rejecting or feel is wrong. You are fearing that your twin will not accept how you feel or that it will hurt him, but honestly, they are just a reflection of us. So as long as you hold any questions about your own belief systems, they will manifest through your twin. Once you feel 100% comfortable with your own beliefs, you may be tested from time to time, but this kind of back and forth will not happen. I hope that helps <3